Lessons from ShibariCon
2 June 2008 23:03![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amulOkay, Amul. So you said that you didn't actually go to very many rope classes at ShibariCon, and you didn't have any sex while you were there, so what the hell was the point of going?
As far as sex goes, you've missed the whole point, to my mind, of BDSM. It's not about the particular fetish, at least for me. It's about taking the "fore" out of foreplay. When I remove expectations of sexual intercourse, or intimate fluid exchange, I discover two very important things:
1. There's a lot of fun things you can do with the human body besides sticking my Tab A into their Slot B.
2. There are a lot more people that I can do it with.
Focus on that last point for a second, and understand that I'm not saying "I can be the proud owner of more orgasms if I promise not to use my dick." If I walk up to a hot woman in a bar, and make a move, she's instantly going to decide whether or not she would ever want my dick inside her. If I walk up to someone at a BDSM convention and say, "I'd like to engage in play with you," then there's a whole lot of room for negotiation. Are we talking orgasm, sensory exploration, pain, pleasure, giggles, artistic experimentation, or what?
With BDSM, I can walk up to someone and say, "You're beautiful, and I want to enjoy the sight of you." Chances are good that there is some common ground we can find, and that's pretty cool.
But what did this self-identified rope fetishist do all weekend, if not play with rope?
Friday:
Lady Gold's Psychology of Bondage class started my weekend, and we talked in slow circles around the room about why each person was here. I learned how to step out of my own perceptions, and see the clues or ask the questions, that make rope-play a more mutually enjoyable experience.
After that, I went to Mark of DV8 House's Erotic Rope Energy which was simply a demonstration of various methods of advanced "rope foreplay." When you've already cut out sex, or at least postponed it even further than usual, there's still a tendency to think of play as "what happens after they're tied up." Mark talked about ways to prolong and enjoy the moments between agreeing to play and a completed tie.
It's hard to explain what I got out of this class, it takes more words. I could say that it was a class about learning to enjoy every moment of your life, and that would be incomplete. I could say it was a class on feeling connected to your partner, and helping them feel connected to you. That would be incomplete, too. All I know for sure is that Mark is incredibly gifted in his ability to explain complex thoughts in a direct manner. He's not particularly enlightened or anything, he just has a lucidity which says out loud the things I started thinking about and haven't formed the right words to express.
The last class I went to on Friday was Jim Duvall's Assessing Hardpoints class, which covered how to look at the equipment you'll use, and really know what sort of strain you can put it under.
Saturday
First, I went to IML, and on the advice of many gay men, bought a bunch of things to shove up my ass. I definitely recommend them to anyone whose ever thought about doing something similar. I also bought some clothes.
When I got back, I went to Mark Yu's Body Dynamics for Rope double-session class, which taught us how to look at the human body and see the messages underneath. Where you can see tension, and what it suggests about things you can do to that person. This class had the most information, and I feel like I retained the least from it. I wish he had handouts.
Sunday
Jay Wiseman's Rough Rope class wasn't at all about what I thought it would be about. Instead of talking about ways to be rougher and more sadistic with your ties, while still being Risk-Aware, it was actually a class in alternative rope options, most of which have a rougher texture than hemp, nylon, silk, or bamboo.
Mike West's Scene from the Start class ended up covering basically the same material that I learned in Erotic Rope Energy, and I didn't connect with Mike the way I do with Mark, so I slipped into SxySadist's Joy of Flying Low class. She'd already covered the material, which I learned years ago. The class was all trying it out, and she was doing something pretty innovative, to me at least.
Rather than hoist everyone up in the air for their first suspension, she had everyone kneel before pulling the suspension lines taut. This way, they could test the weight of their harness without committing themselves to a potentially dangerous full suspension. Especially since few people attending the class new what they were doing, this was a really brilliant paradigm shift. Several people were using the frames in back, and I elected myself as supervisor to their efforts, trying to give back a little to the community.
I found that I learned a lot, simply because there were a lot of body types all doing exactly the same thing, and encountering unique problems. It was like trying up 60 people all at once.
I simply had to go to The Knotty Boys' Decorative Bondage course, if only to get them to autograph their new book. This was a hands-on rope class, where they taught their completely unique style of bondage. I was in heaven.
I had to ditch out on the autographing in order to get to Lee Harrington's Turning Ties Inward class, which explored why we engage in BDSM, and how to reconnect to the desires that brought us there in the first place. I scribbled furious notes in this class, diagrams of ideas, and key phrases I wanted to remember. Lee is an excellent presenter, capable of keeping a freeform discussion directed at the points he wants us to consider.
Monday
Graydancer's Defining Moment class breaks down complex fantasies into their component parts. Whether your fantasy is seemingly simple (I want to be spanked for being a bad girl) to extremely complex (I want to sacrifice a woman as part of a sex-demon summoning rite....guess who came up with that one?), it really consists of the same category of parts. Seen from this light, even my Lovecraftian sex scripts become pretty simple to achieve provided you actively seek the missing ingredients.
For the last class, I was torn between many options, but in the end decided to go to Mark of DV8 House's Hooks For All Occassions class, primarily because I thought it would be a nice end to the weekend if I got to watch Mark's lovely demo bunny have a few screaming orgasms.
I really want to buy a hook after that class, but I think it's important to have someone to use your toys on before you start buying them. At least one person suggested to me, "If you buy the pussy hook, the pussy will come," and as tempting as that sounds....I'm 32, dammit, old enough to know that I'd feel silly using a "Have Ass Hook, apply below" marketing scheme to meet people.
I don't really have problems meeting people. Why do I need a $200 sex toy to meet people? That's not what I want the thing for. That's like buying gas because you want a car.
As far as sex goes, you've missed the whole point, to my mind, of BDSM. It's not about the particular fetish, at least for me. It's about taking the "fore" out of foreplay. When I remove expectations of sexual intercourse, or intimate fluid exchange, I discover two very important things:
1. There's a lot of fun things you can do with the human body besides sticking my Tab A into their Slot B.
2. There are a lot more people that I can do it with.
Focus on that last point for a second, and understand that I'm not saying "I can be the proud owner of more orgasms if I promise not to use my dick." If I walk up to a hot woman in a bar, and make a move, she's instantly going to decide whether or not she would ever want my dick inside her. If I walk up to someone at a BDSM convention and say, "I'd like to engage in play with you," then there's a whole lot of room for negotiation. Are we talking orgasm, sensory exploration, pain, pleasure, giggles, artistic experimentation, or what?
With BDSM, I can walk up to someone and say, "You're beautiful, and I want to enjoy the sight of you." Chances are good that there is some common ground we can find, and that's pretty cool.
But what did this self-identified rope fetishist do all weekend, if not play with rope?
Friday:
Lady Gold's Psychology of Bondage class started my weekend, and we talked in slow circles around the room about why each person was here. I learned how to step out of my own perceptions, and see the clues or ask the questions, that make rope-play a more mutually enjoyable experience.
After that, I went to Mark of DV8 House's Erotic Rope Energy which was simply a demonstration of various methods of advanced "rope foreplay." When you've already cut out sex, or at least postponed it even further than usual, there's still a tendency to think of play as "what happens after they're tied up." Mark talked about ways to prolong and enjoy the moments between agreeing to play and a completed tie.
It's hard to explain what I got out of this class, it takes more words. I could say that it was a class about learning to enjoy every moment of your life, and that would be incomplete. I could say it was a class on feeling connected to your partner, and helping them feel connected to you. That would be incomplete, too. All I know for sure is that Mark is incredibly gifted in his ability to explain complex thoughts in a direct manner. He's not particularly enlightened or anything, he just has a lucidity which says out loud the things I started thinking about and haven't formed the right words to express.
The last class I went to on Friday was Jim Duvall's Assessing Hardpoints class, which covered how to look at the equipment you'll use, and really know what sort of strain you can put it under.
Saturday
First, I went to IML, and on the advice of many gay men, bought a bunch of things to shove up my ass. I definitely recommend them to anyone whose ever thought about doing something similar. I also bought some clothes.
When I got back, I went to Mark Yu's Body Dynamics for Rope double-session class, which taught us how to look at the human body and see the messages underneath. Where you can see tension, and what it suggests about things you can do to that person. This class had the most information, and I feel like I retained the least from it. I wish he had handouts.
Sunday
Jay Wiseman's Rough Rope class wasn't at all about what I thought it would be about. Instead of talking about ways to be rougher and more sadistic with your ties, while still being Risk-Aware, it was actually a class in alternative rope options, most of which have a rougher texture than hemp, nylon, silk, or bamboo.
Mike West's Scene from the Start class ended up covering basically the same material that I learned in Erotic Rope Energy, and I didn't connect with Mike the way I do with Mark, so I slipped into SxySadist's Joy of Flying Low class. She'd already covered the material, which I learned years ago. The class was all trying it out, and she was doing something pretty innovative, to me at least.
Rather than hoist everyone up in the air for their first suspension, she had everyone kneel before pulling the suspension lines taut. This way, they could test the weight of their harness without committing themselves to a potentially dangerous full suspension. Especially since few people attending the class new what they were doing, this was a really brilliant paradigm shift. Several people were using the frames in back, and I elected myself as supervisor to their efforts, trying to give back a little to the community.
I found that I learned a lot, simply because there were a lot of body types all doing exactly the same thing, and encountering unique problems. It was like trying up 60 people all at once.
I simply had to go to The Knotty Boys' Decorative Bondage course, if only to get them to autograph their new book. This was a hands-on rope class, where they taught their completely unique style of bondage. I was in heaven.
I had to ditch out on the autographing in order to get to Lee Harrington's Turning Ties Inward class, which explored why we engage in BDSM, and how to reconnect to the desires that brought us there in the first place. I scribbled furious notes in this class, diagrams of ideas, and key phrases I wanted to remember. Lee is an excellent presenter, capable of keeping a freeform discussion directed at the points he wants us to consider.
Monday
Graydancer's Defining Moment class breaks down complex fantasies into their component parts. Whether your fantasy is seemingly simple (I want to be spanked for being a bad girl) to extremely complex (I want to sacrifice a woman as part of a sex-demon summoning rite....guess who came up with that one?), it really consists of the same category of parts. Seen from this light, even my Lovecraftian sex scripts become pretty simple to achieve provided you actively seek the missing ingredients.
For the last class, I was torn between many options, but in the end decided to go to Mark of DV8 House's Hooks For All Occassions class, primarily because I thought it would be a nice end to the weekend if I got to watch Mark's lovely demo bunny have a few screaming orgasms.
I really want to buy a hook after that class, but I think it's important to have someone to use your toys on before you start buying them. At least one person suggested to me, "If you buy the pussy hook, the pussy will come," and as tempting as that sounds....I'm 32, dammit, old enough to know that I'd feel silly using a "Have Ass Hook, apply below" marketing scheme to meet people.
I don't really have problems meeting people. Why do I need a $200 sex toy to meet people? That's not what I want the thing for. That's like buying gas because you want a car.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 3 Jun 2008 15:50 (UTC)no subject
Date: 3 Jun 2008 19:31 (UTC)A hotel room in the convention hotel (which I definitely recommend) is roughly $500 for the weekend. The hotel restaurant is buffet style, and is $20 for dinner.
Of course, I'd love to see all my Pittsburgh peeps there, or anywhere, but do keep in mind that it is an event heavily focused on rope bondage, and little else.
If you do decide to come next year, I can pick you up from the airport, and you might even be able to talk me into a grocery run. I'm *sure* we can find some way for you two to pay me back that will benefit us all. *grin*
no subject
Date: 13 Mar 2009 22:27 (UTC)