Try Not To (Try Not To (Try Too Hard))

[amul]

ganked from soundoflight

http://blogs.salon.com/0002007/2006/03/23.html

And I'm intense. That's probably a consequence of the fits and starts thing -- always trying to make up for lost time. I try too hard. People find that unnerving: It comes across as desperate, uncontrolled, un-self-confident, untrustworthy. In this terrible world we are always constantly 'selling' ourselves to others, and trying too hard repels 'buyers' -- they want the 'sales pitch' to be effortless, so the 'product' sells itself. And ironically, intense people who try not to try too hard come across as disengaged.

So those of us who are intense need to get past this, and learn to try not to try not to try too hard, if you can follow that. Trying too hard is pushing yourself or your idea on someone at a bar or at a proposal meeting. Trying not to try too hard is endeavouring to come off casual, acting like you're having fun with an interesting idea without being overly serious or pressing about it -- relaxed, comfortable, self-confident. Doing this successfully is an acting job -- being what you are not. You can, of course, make this easier by practicing a lot, so that each of your 'lines', your sales pitch, is so well rehearsed it becomes effortless. Paradoxically, when you do this, your intensity gets out of the way and allows your enthusiasm to show through, so you come across as more engaged -- whereas if you're merely intense acting like you're not, you come across as less engaged, careless, seemingly indifferent. A shrug when what is called for is a laugh.