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Nomadic Prius Dweller
3 April 2004 10:54It has been a very topsy-turvy week for me.
As much as I hate to admit it, or speak ill, I must now say that I believe My Ex has gone completely past any acceptable line. She has lied to me for the sole purpose of hurting me. She has lied to others for the same reason.
I've been told while trying to verify things that she hasn't been able to sleep much lately because I've been waiting until I hope she's asleep before coming home. So, as of Wednesday, I have voluntarily restricted my access to my own home. I'm giving her a week, roughly, of not having to deal with me at all. After that, I will not enter or exit my home between the hours of 9pm and 10am. I've got a bag I'm living out of that I keep in my car. I've becom a nomad, and a Prius Dweller.
Oh, and just to clarify....excuse, just to explain my perception of one particular thing that I feel she has lied about.....
The house is in both our names. All of the bills are currently in mine. When we bought the house, we discussed what would happen if things didn't work out (our little break up drills). I said that since it's so close to where she works, I would move out. My first fully formed set of plans was to move out at the end of August, to Chicago. One night, Xine offerred to let me stay in the home we purchased together until I had something definite lined up in Chicago. A week later, due (as far as I know) mostly to a single snippy comment I made, she started screaming at me that I treat her with no respect, that I never have and that she wants me out of the house immediately. I still have no idea what I have done that was, in her words, so disrespectful, beyond cope with her as best as I could.
While I don't want anyone to betray any confidences she may have shared with you, between her anger and my defensiveness (it is very difficult to try to remain fair, please tell me if you feel I have stopped being so, and nevermind waiting for an appropriate time. My tendency towards childish behavior should be treated as such.) I have no clear understanding of what I've done that's disrespectful and would dearly like to know. She tried to explain it to me, but I think we're long past the point where we can successfully communicate with each other.
It was 4am. There are other details that I will not share. Since that time, even given that I have hurt her and must allow, as the one who was broken up with, some leeway to lash out, I have heard that she has said and done things that I find unforgivable.
She wanted to hurt me. Fine. She got what she wanted. I will respond accordingly.
I will stop treating her like someone I once loved and wish to remain friends with and I will begin treating her like someone who is actively and intentionally being a danger to me.
I do not like this choice. It tastes sour in my mouth. But more than one friend of mine has pointed out that, were they in my position, this is the course of action I would demand they follow.
I shall spend my entire life getting my own words thrown back in my face. I am only a hypocrite when I try to be nice.
As much as I hate to admit it, or speak ill, I must now say that I believe My Ex has gone completely past any acceptable line. She has lied to me for the sole purpose of hurting me. She has lied to others for the same reason.
I've been told while trying to verify things that she hasn't been able to sleep much lately because I've been waiting until I hope she's asleep before coming home. So, as of Wednesday, I have voluntarily restricted my access to my own home. I'm giving her a week, roughly, of not having to deal with me at all. After that, I will not enter or exit my home between the hours of 9pm and 10am. I've got a bag I'm living out of that I keep in my car. I've becom a nomad, and a Prius Dweller.
Oh, and just to clarify....excuse, just to explain my perception of one particular thing that I feel she has lied about.....
The house is in both our names. All of the bills are currently in mine. When we bought the house, we discussed what would happen if things didn't work out (our little break up drills). I said that since it's so close to where she works, I would move out. My first fully formed set of plans was to move out at the end of August, to Chicago. One night, Xine offerred to let me stay in the home we purchased together until I had something definite lined up in Chicago. A week later, due (as far as I know) mostly to a single snippy comment I made, she started screaming at me that I treat her with no respect, that I never have and that she wants me out of the house immediately. I still have no idea what I have done that was, in her words, so disrespectful, beyond cope with her as best as I could.
While I don't want anyone to betray any confidences she may have shared with you, between her anger and my defensiveness (it is very difficult to try to remain fair, please tell me if you feel I have stopped being so, and nevermind waiting for an appropriate time. My tendency towards childish behavior should be treated as such.) I have no clear understanding of what I've done that's disrespectful and would dearly like to know. She tried to explain it to me, but I think we're long past the point where we can successfully communicate with each other.
It was 4am. There are other details that I will not share. Since that time, even given that I have hurt her and must allow, as the one who was broken up with, some leeway to lash out, I have heard that she has said and done things that I find unforgivable.
She wanted to hurt me. Fine. She got what she wanted. I will respond accordingly.
I will stop treating her like someone I once loved and wish to remain friends with and I will begin treating her like someone who is actively and intentionally being a danger to me.
I do not like this choice. It tastes sour in my mouth. But more than one friend of mine has pointed out that, were they in my position, this is the course of action I would demand they follow.
I shall spend my entire life getting my own words thrown back in my face. I am only a hypocrite when I try to be nice.
