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17 December 2025 16:04![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amulWhat are your foundational experiences with privacy?
I was not allowed any privacy in my home, growing up. When I got old enough to start locking my door, my mom just started carrying the tools needed to pick the lock (a paperclip) and wouldn't even knock before picking the lock and barging into my room to do whatever chore she was doing.
On the other hand, Angel's family used privacy like a weapon, insisting that they didn't need to do anything about the pedophilia or alcohol-induced physical child abuse, because that would just "let other people in our business." The matriarch quite literally said that they would rather the kids continue to get sexually assaulted by the one guy than let "any outsiders know what's going on in our home."
Christine, my ex wife, absolutely didn't want anyone knowing our business. If we had a fight, that was one thing, but if I TOLD anyone we were fighting, I was sleeping on the couch for at least a month.
So the only people I know who ever told me privacy was important were abusers.
And the only people I know who prefer not to talk about what is going on in their lives are people who were abused.
Personally, I try to live a life that I am always comfortable being observed by friends.
I want interested 3rd parties to watch my conflicts so they can tell me when they think I'm being out of line.
I was not allowed any privacy in my home, growing up. When I got old enough to start locking my door, my mom just started carrying the tools needed to pick the lock (a paperclip) and wouldn't even knock before picking the lock and barging into my room to do whatever chore she was doing.
On the other hand, Angel's family used privacy like a weapon, insisting that they didn't need to do anything about the pedophilia or alcohol-induced physical child abuse, because that would just "let other people in our business." The matriarch quite literally said that they would rather the kids continue to get sexually assaulted by the one guy than let "any outsiders know what's going on in our home."
Christine, my ex wife, absolutely didn't want anyone knowing our business. If we had a fight, that was one thing, but if I TOLD anyone we were fighting, I was sleeping on the couch for at least a month.
So the only people I know who ever told me privacy was important were abusers.
And the only people I know who prefer not to talk about what is going on in their lives are people who were abused.
Personally, I try to live a life that I am always comfortable being observed by friends.
I want interested 3rd parties to watch my conflicts so they can tell me when they think I'm being out of line.
I want to examine my thoughts with my friends before discussing them with whoever I'm in conflict with, because if I care about whoever I'm in a fight with, then I think that they deserve better than my first draft emotions.
And honestly, it pisses me off that there are guys out there who managed to get and stay married without ever learning to talk about their feelings, or take responsibility for their impact on others, or manage their jealousy enough for their partners to have friends with other men, while I've spent the last 20 years unwilling to cohabitate with anyone because I'm so bad at talking about my emotions.