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amulShy women will be the death of me.
Show me a shy, beautiful woman, and I am very nearly helpless. I have to know. I have to find out. Getting to know one is like unwrapping a present. Well, at least, it's like the way I unwrap presents. The careful examination of the size and shape of the task, the slow peeling back of layer after layer, until you finally get to see what's really inside. And they always surprise me. I'll find wicked tongues where I expect to find quiet introspection. I'll find burning passion where I expected to find hedonism.
And just like presents, sometimes I'll find things I don't want, but the box has been opened, and it's to late to give it back. That's pretty rare, though.
I thought I could train myself into liking some other type. For years now, I've carefully avoided them. This time, someone to share the spotlight with I thought to myself. But time and time again, it is the quiet ones I am drawn to. Something about their discomfort in crowds soothes me. Something about the way they appreciate being noticed.
I mean, I'm pretty hard to miss, even when I'm in a crowd, but I rarely feel like I've been as seen as when a shy girl looks at me. They invariably seem to understand parts of me I didn't even know I had. They always seem to teach me something new about who I am.
What of these latest creatures to walk into my life? Should I pursue one of them? Should I seek that thing which I still don't feel like I'm ready for? You spend all your time preparing to be ready, I chide myself. But it doesn't feel like an excuse.
I'm still not as good at taking care of myself as I would like. I still have yet to pursue my commercial photographic career with the vigor I demand of myself before I am willing to turn my attention to finding a Life Partner, and I have so much more to learn about my art career. But I'm once again getting to the point where the thought of having one is distracting me from the goals my mind has set.
To put it another way, I still feel like I need to prepare to prepare to be ready for that. But I'm turning 35 next year. I have had friends who died at that age. What ever happened to seize the day? To learning to unleash my passions and let them run free? To accepting myself for who I am now, and not merely who I want to be someday?
What ever happened to letting go of the past?
Show me a shy, beautiful woman, and I am very nearly helpless. I have to know. I have to find out. Getting to know one is like unwrapping a present. Well, at least, it's like the way I unwrap presents. The careful examination of the size and shape of the task, the slow peeling back of layer after layer, until you finally get to see what's really inside. And they always surprise me. I'll find wicked tongues where I expect to find quiet introspection. I'll find burning passion where I expected to find hedonism.
And just like presents, sometimes I'll find things I don't want, but the box has been opened, and it's to late to give it back. That's pretty rare, though.
I thought I could train myself into liking some other type. For years now, I've carefully avoided them. This time, someone to share the spotlight with I thought to myself. But time and time again, it is the quiet ones I am drawn to. Something about their discomfort in crowds soothes me. Something about the way they appreciate being noticed.
I mean, I'm pretty hard to miss, even when I'm in a crowd, but I rarely feel like I've been as seen as when a shy girl looks at me. They invariably seem to understand parts of me I didn't even know I had. They always seem to teach me something new about who I am.
What of these latest creatures to walk into my life? Should I pursue one of them? Should I seek that thing which I still don't feel like I'm ready for? You spend all your time preparing to be ready, I chide myself. But it doesn't feel like an excuse.
I'm still not as good at taking care of myself as I would like. I still have yet to pursue my commercial photographic career with the vigor I demand of myself before I am willing to turn my attention to finding a Life Partner, and I have so much more to learn about my art career. But I'm once again getting to the point where the thought of having one is distracting me from the goals my mind has set.
To put it another way, I still feel like I need to prepare to prepare to be ready for that. But I'm turning 35 next year. I have had friends who died at that age. What ever happened to seize the day? To learning to unleash my passions and let them run free? To accepting myself for who I am now, and not merely who I want to be someday?
What ever happened to letting go of the past?
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no subject
Date: 20 Nov 2009 18:35 (UTC)~cackles~
er...I mean... ~hug~ take life as it flows. One of the most painful lessons of my life has been that when you try to force its path to abide by *your* design, you will get painfully hurled against the rocks. You will still end up in the same place you would have, but you'll be far more bruised than if you had just relax and let it take you as it wills. :)
no subject
Date: 21 Nov 2009 08:27 (UTC)