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amulHrm, you know, if you look back at this last two weeks of entries, you can almost see the exact sentence when I completely lost all perspective.
Particular thanks and kudos to As Yet Unnamed Friend, who sounded the siren when my train of thought left Rational Space.
I will not apologize for my less than generous introspections, like the one on Saturday. It's my live journal, that is what it is for: to record the thoughts and emotions as they happen, so that people can judge me based on my lowest lows and highest highs, as well as the calm moments between.
I will caution those who read it, though, to be aware that these are pixels, my friends. If I record a thought, that does not make it unyielding. If you believe otherwise, if you think I act upon all that I say here, if you think that somehow the Published Word is the same as the Publicly Posted Word, then you'd best find someone else's life to keep tabs on.
For herein lies the most tactless, most honest, most shameless me that I can be. I'm not proud of my emotional outbursts, both joyous and treacherous, but neither will I deny their existence.
If you think that's somehow wrong of me, I'd be interested in knowing why, and what way of life you think is better.
Particular thanks and kudos to As Yet Unnamed Friend, who sounded the siren when my train of thought left Rational Space.
I will not apologize for my less than generous introspections, like the one on Saturday. It's my live journal, that is what it is for: to record the thoughts and emotions as they happen, so that people can judge me based on my lowest lows and highest highs, as well as the calm moments between.
I will caution those who read it, though, to be aware that these are pixels, my friends. If I record a thought, that does not make it unyielding. If you believe otherwise, if you think I act upon all that I say here, if you think that somehow the Published Word is the same as the Publicly Posted Word, then you'd best find someone else's life to keep tabs on.
For herein lies the most tactless, most honest, most shameless me that I can be. I'm not proud of my emotional outbursts, both joyous and treacherous, but neither will I deny their existence.
If you think that's somehow wrong of me, I'd be interested in knowing why, and what way of life you think is better.
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no compromises, no regrets?
Date: 13 Jun 2006 05:12 (UTC)It does, however, make it immortal. Given tangible form, your previous moment of hatred will be forever remembered by me, at least, and will most likely always have an effect on my perception of you. This fiasco upset me a lot more seriously than my thoughtless comment let on.
You're entitled to any emotional outburst you may have. Thus, it's not your hatred itself that upset me, but the fact that you felt obligated to record every aspect of your rage, knowing full well that I'd see it. (And, incidentally, I don't buy the "I wasn't even aware I was writing it at the time" excuse.)
You're swinging from one extreme (emotional dessication) to the next (spilling every emotion onto the stage for all to see). There is a middle ground; there are things which, in my opinion, would be best kept in your paper journal, or in a totally private entry. Believe me, I understand the need to get thoughts and feelings out of my head and into a tangible form, but more than half of what I write--especially those pieces written under fits of passion or fear or anything in between--is for Personal Use Only. I then carefully pick and choose my words, once the emotion itself has passed through me, expressing the feelings and events to my audience with the benefit of a small amount of retrospection.
Maybe this way of life isn't "better," but it's certainly caused far less external conflict for me.
*pokes you in the ribs*
Date: 15 Jun 2006 14:29 (UTC)Is it important that others judge you?
If so, is it more important that they judge you, or that you judge yourself?
Do you judge yourself based on your own ethics and morals, or must your audience also be your compass?
What do you really want from your audience?
or, as an alternative: What do you want/expect to get from making every virtue and flaw available to anyone who decides to read it?
Now, it wouldn't be very fair of me to expect you to do all this work without offering anything of myself, so this is what I can tell you:
From what I've been able to observe--which granted, isn't much--when other people get angry/frustrated with you, you alternate between back-pedaling to appease them and defending your right to feel. Yes, it is your Live Journal, but in the words of Henry Miller, "Art is not a solo performance; it is a symphony with millions of participants and millions of listeners." If you choose to speak out in such a public fashion, your audience will react, and it may not always be pretty. Of course, they could stop reading your journal, but suggesting that they go elsewhere is a cop-out. You're relinquishing any responsibility for maintaining relationships by placing the burden in their hands. Again, I ask you: what do you really want?
Re: *pokes you in the ribs*
Date: 15 Jun 2006 14:30 (UTC)Re: *pokes you in the ribs*
Date: 16 Jun 2006 00:46 (UTC)I want practice dealing with issues so I stop doing this and figure out something better to do instead.
It's finding the middle ground that has always been the problem for me.