notes from the Con

[amul]

Just a few unrelated thoughts in no particular order, while I hurry through my schedule to get back to the Con:

I decided to put a lot of my Echo Gallery pieces up for auction at the con. I realized that, despite all this talk of being a Professional Starving Artiste, I have yet to sell a single piece. Services, yes, but never any artwork. I'll also be renting an entire booth at Frolic Con, where I imagine the larger bulk of my photography would be more appropriate.

Fidget asked me earlier this week if I only photograph women, and it's still very frustrating to see just how much of my portfolio could be viewed as Guy With Camera Trying To Get Women To Undress For Him. I've got a lead on a male model, but I've little hope, since guys seem notoriously irresponsible. In the 16 months that I've been living in Chicago, I've approached maybe fifteen men that I find suitable for photography (ie, in relative good shape, comfortable with their body, comfortable with the idea of modeling). Eight agreed, but seven never returned my emails about picking a specific time, and the other one flaked out at the last minute. I've shot Blue Beard, but only the one time, and I feel like he doesn't count, since he's an artist, too.

In the 16 months I've been living in Chicago, my friend from Ohio, the Pussy Pirate, has been to my apartment more than the vast majority of my Chicago-based friends. I'd guess that 75% of my friends have never even been to my apartment, and of the remaining 25%, probably less than a handful have been to my place twice or more. I used to blame my lack of house guests on the wretched conditions My Ex and I kept our apartment, too ashamed to let someone see my living space. But now I've got a nice place, and I still don't seem to invite anyone over. Or rather, while I do tend to have a fair number of guests, they're rarely from the group that I consider my primary social circle. Talking to jbdules about this, I feel like I still give off the impression that I'm too busy to make time for anyone, that I'm unavailable or uninterested in getting to know people one on one.
I actually am beginning to crave that sort of thing quite badly. I know all these people, see them on a fairly regular basis, but I still don't consider any of them MY friends. I don't know how to do that. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong in this regard. I like my place. I like having guests. I feel like I've extended the invitation to a number of people, but to no avail.
What is the process by which one strengthens individual relationships within a large group? I no longer know.

I developed a roll of film from the photo shoot with Prefers Sacrifice, worried that I had ruined it by accidently sending it through the dryer. But they came out beautifully, especially the light painting stuff. Looking at the roll of film, I couldn't help but smile, and defy the ghost of a banshee living in my head, all that remains to me of My Ex, countering her devil's play thoughts with a hearty, See! This is art that I make!

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