Stitching wounds shut

It's become this kind of secret handshake. I can tell just by looking at people. One of us, that looks says to me.

So you make the approach. You know better than to rush the story out of them. It's not about letting me hear it. It's about letting them say it over and over again until it is finally real.

Sometimes, it's not enough to nudge. You have to acknowledge the bond you share out loud, and let them know that you're aware of the price that comes with knowing. Let them know you'll take their confession. That you'll hold the sleeve back while they try to work out a little more of the puss.

I used to think, having been the one who left, that I could only really be there for the ones who also did the leaving. Eventually, I realized that I could be there for the ones who got left, too. It isn't about which side of the decision you were on, it's about how it hit you.

It's about that particular sense of loss.

In a way, I think that was something I only recently finished learning.

This time, when she was finished talking, there were a few details that she needed me to prod her on.

In the end, I said to this stranger, this woman I've talked to only a handful of times, I'll stop by on Friday and make sure you sign them. We can put it in the mail together, and then go to a concert.

As I say it, I remember a woman telling me, "You should be sorry. You should do penance." I remember telling her, I am. I do.

Another interview

This time with anselm23. As always, leave a comment if you wish to be interviewed by me.

1. What are the threads joining your interest in fetish with Hinduism, photography, and - for lack of better terms - anti-globalism and anti-colonialism? I'm always interested in the intersections of sexuality, politics, religion and art, and you seem uniquely suited to comment.

(answer postponed until Anselm defines what he thinks my political views are)

2. How did your demonic sacrifice scene go? Alternately, would you describe three non-essential tools in your life that you still would rather not do without?

Ah, sadly it has not happened yet. While play with strangers has been fun, the vast difference in dynamics between my time with What Big Eyes She Has and my time with Lithe has led me to the conclusion that I can't get what I'm looking for from casual play partners anymore. Since LDB works on weekends now, and her free days conflict with my schedule, there's little time for extravagant scenes.

So, I must tell you about three nonessential tools that I'd prefer to hold onto:

• My living room, although terribly useful for when I have guests over, the only guests I ever have either stay in the bedroom, or would be better served if I converted my living room into a studio


• A darkroom, which I rarely use but I continue to live in a building that has one out of a sense of professional pride and historical connection


• My Swiss Army Knife, which is completely obsolete thanks to my SOG, but has a lot of emotional attachment

3. What's been on your reading list lately - three books each from "photography", "fetish" and "general" categories?

Photography:

• Professional Photoshop by Dan Margulis


• Hollywood Portraits: Classic Shots and How To Take Them by Roger Hicks and Christopher Nisperos


• Print Production: Industrial Strength Techniques by Claudia McCue


Fetish:

• Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon


• Squirms, Screams and Squirts: A Guide for Advanced Sexual Play by Robert Rubel (not recommended)


• The Complete Book of Knots by Geoffrey Budworth (not technically a fetish book)


General:

• The Kushiel Series by Jacqueline Carey


• The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan (rec'd by princessmatilda and not yet begun)


• The Ladies of Grace Adieu and other stories by Susanna Clarke

Sally Mann

Random thought from my trip to France last summer, which I just remembered:

Is it wrong that I could never date someone who doesn't like the photographs of Sally Mann?