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5 July 2005
(no subject)
5 July 2005 17:18Web server stats for WWW.AMUL.BIZ
Hrm. I typically average around 300 hits. I'm guessing the hits on July 4th are from Origins & Gaian Mind. I wonder what the June 9th/10th hits were caused by. Maybe the Jilt photos that got uploaded to their site, I'll have to check with Peter.
| DATE | HITS | KBytes Transferred |
| Jun 9 2005 | 1,081 | 105,476,700 |
| Jun 10 2005 | 1,164 | 74,135,446 |
| Jun 11 2005 | 298 | 13,810,558 |
| ... | ||
| Jul 4 2005 | 1,406 | 57,994,776 |
Hrm. I typically average around 300 hits. I'm guessing the hits on July 4th are from Origins & Gaian Mind. I wonder what the June 9th/10th hits were caused by. Maybe the Jilt photos that got uploaded to their site, I'll have to check with Peter.
Man, that last post (before the haikus) was total crap. I apologize to all those who read it. Totally below-average writing. It's bad enough that I choose to practice writing using the topics I do, it's worse when I do it badly.
Wow. This has been practically an entire day wasted by email.
( Try that again.... )
I really am feeling much better, you know. These last few weeks have been like a break in the trees, a breathe of air for my drowning. A whole bunch of other outdoors-y metaphors, strange to hear from the lips of the self proclaimed Air Conditioned Gypsy. Some of that has to do with a few exciting successes in my life - the exhibition opening, classes at Columbia, stuff with my parents & brother finally making headway. Progress with Achingly Defiant/Weary Wanderer. But the truth is that the largest reason for my new sense of calm comes from social reasons - feeling like these friends are starting to be truly my own, and not just strangers who permit me to accompany them. I can't tell if I accept their friendship as truth because I'm better or if I'm better because I've decided to accept their friendship as truth.
More worrying is the idea that maybe I'm just feeling calmer because I've found a direction for my romantic urges. The dates line up a little too perfectly for me to dismiss the idea. I'm such a social creature, I went completely insane in May when I tried to "learn to be alone." I don't think I really WANT to learn to be alone, I don't think I have any interest in the lessons such would teach me. But the idea that the confidence and contentment I'm feeling now is entirely due to a romantic interest? That's worrisome too.
Maybe the knight in the clearing was right. He's certainly not the first to suggest celibacy, and many people I admire tell me they've achieved their admirable qualities through such actions. Still, it's like I keep saying. I didn't break up with Christine just so I could be alone.
Wow. This has been practically an entire day wasted by email.
( Try that again.... )
I really am feeling much better, you know. These last few weeks have been like a break in the trees, a breathe of air for my drowning. A whole bunch of other outdoors-y metaphors, strange to hear from the lips of the self proclaimed Air Conditioned Gypsy. Some of that has to do with a few exciting successes in my life - the exhibition opening, classes at Columbia, stuff with my parents & brother finally making headway. Progress with Achingly Defiant/Weary Wanderer. But the truth is that the largest reason for my new sense of calm comes from social reasons - feeling like these friends are starting to be truly my own, and not just strangers who permit me to accompany them. I can't tell if I accept their friendship as truth because I'm better or if I'm better because I've decided to accept their friendship as truth.
More worrying is the idea that maybe I'm just feeling calmer because I've found a direction for my romantic urges. The dates line up a little too perfectly for me to dismiss the idea. I'm such a social creature, I went completely insane in May when I tried to "learn to be alone." I don't think I really WANT to learn to be alone, I don't think I have any interest in the lessons such would teach me. But the idea that the confidence and contentment I'm feeling now is entirely due to a romantic interest? That's worrisome too.
Maybe the knight in the clearing was right. He's certainly not the first to suggest celibacy, and many people I admire tell me they've achieved their admirable qualities through such actions. Still, it's like I keep saying. I didn't break up with Christine just so I could be alone.
Can someone please help me out here and tell ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
princessmatilda that it is not ME in the Storm Trooper outfit?
princessmatilda that it is not ME in the Storm Trooper outfit?