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amulIt's five o'clock in the morning, and I've forgotten how hot it gets in my apartment. I can feel myself being sauteed in my own sweat.
(f)AD said a few things to me over these last, nigh-tranquil-by-comparison days that have stuck in my mind and will not go away. They're things that have been said to me before, but as always she has this unique way of prodding me just tenderly enough that I do not flinch with the same old, tired reaction.
"You keep telling me you're too busy to make all these changes you want, but what are you doing with all your time right now?"
Well, I....well, I used to be doing a bunch of stuff. Stuff that I'd like to start doing again.
Doesn't really seem like enough, does it?
The other stuff she said to me that's stuck in my brain like a popcorn shell, well, basically what it amounts to is that I've picked up my paper journal again, and I've switched bags so that I'll always be carrying it around. Anime Girl asked me some pretty pertinent questions that I've been avoiding, and I'll be trying to answer them in that thing. I tried writing in it earlier today, but my hand cramped up. Lack of practice.
Apple Martini flew into town today, so sure of her goals and boundaries. We went out to El Cid and then bar hopped for quite a bit. Her next project is here in Chicago, and it'll be profoundly comforting to have her around.
Through all this last week, I've been struggling with the same thought I've had for months. I never give myself credit for what I achieve, only keep my eyes firmly locked on all that's left to do. I will never be half the man I want to be, goes the old song, but I really need to learn how to take some measure of pride in what I have done.
(f)AD said a few things to me over these last, nigh-tranquil-by-comparison days that have stuck in my mind and will not go away. They're things that have been said to me before, but as always she has this unique way of prodding me just tenderly enough that I do not flinch with the same old, tired reaction.
"You keep telling me you're too busy to make all these changes you want, but what are you doing with all your time right now?"
Well, I....well, I used to be doing a bunch of stuff. Stuff that I'd like to start doing again.
Doesn't really seem like enough, does it?
The other stuff she said to me that's stuck in my brain like a popcorn shell, well, basically what it amounts to is that I've picked up my paper journal again, and I've switched bags so that I'll always be carrying it around. Anime Girl asked me some pretty pertinent questions that I've been avoiding, and I'll be trying to answer them in that thing. I tried writing in it earlier today, but my hand cramped up. Lack of practice.
Apple Martini flew into town today, so sure of her goals and boundaries. We went out to El Cid and then bar hopped for quite a bit. Her next project is here in Chicago, and it'll be profoundly comforting to have her around.
Through all this last week, I've been struggling with the same thought I've had for months. I never give myself credit for what I achieve, only keep my eyes firmly locked on all that's left to do. I will never be half the man I want to be, goes the old song, but I really need to learn how to take some measure of pride in what I have done.