strange fact

[amul]

I pray every day. I have been pretty regular about it for almost a year now. Usually, I just stick with the Gayatri Mantra, which is a sort of functional equivalent to the Lord's Prayer, as near as I can tell. Traditionally, you repeat the Gayatri Mantra three times, once for body, mind and soul, and end it with "Om, shanti, shanti, shanti!" (functionally equivalent to "amen," I think). Shanti means "peace" and again you say it three times for the three aspects of the human life.

This is a prayer that I'm extremely familiar with, it was the first one I was ever taught, and I even used to lead prayer on Sundays back before high school. I've said it a couple of thousand times over my life, at least.

Yet, ever since the whatever you call it last Monday, I've been unable to keep track of the repetition. I falter, unsure if I'm on the second repetition or the third. I even find myself unable to properly count out the Shantis, sometimes sounding it out four or even five times.

I have no idea what that is about, but it's messing with my relationship to God, and it's very disconcerting.

Comments

[roniliquidity.livejournal.com]

Good to hear from you. I was just wondering how you were doing since you've been pretty quiet since that to do. Has any of it gotten resolved off of Livejournal, or is it just festering?

I guess you've been particularly on my mins since literally, the next day, I got pulled into a dispute between some mutual friends tried to help work things out. The one that dragged me into it in the first place ended up turning on me when I wouldn't take her side to which my response was to drop that long time friendship and the attached social circle as all around unhealty.

[amul.livejournal.com]

I saw your post on that subject. Thought you were talking about me for half a heartbeat.

I ran into psychomofo at the Sisters of Mercy concert, and we discussed it briefly with a promise to get further in depth at a later date. I haven't discussed it with any of the other people who commented.

I'm still processing it, and I guess I've been sort of avoiding that whole group in the time since. Licking my wounds, as it were. The bottom line is that while I'm aware that I have these flaws, I'm not aware when I'm exhibiting them, and I don't know how to cultivate that sort of awareness without driving myself stark raving mad. There's more, of course, but I like to keep my LJ posts either very spontaneous or extremely well-thought out, and those thoughts aren't either right now.

If you're interested in talking about this to me further, I could email you about it.

[roniliquidity.livejournal.com]

Sure, feel free to email me.

I haven't wanted to say too much, I actually haven't hung around you enough to say what you're like on a regular basis, so I don't want to color things with an inaccurrate opinion.

Though I will say the commenter that seems to think he speaks for an entire social group sounded like a choad.