5 more questions (soulkry)

[amul]

soulkry seys: Finally some time to write these questions:

1) Have you ever given any thought to having children? Why or why not?

A disturbingly pertinent question. When I was a kid, before my teen years and my sexual awakening, I simply assumed that everyone had kids. As I got older, I started saying that I didn't want them. But recently (by which I mean within the last year or two) I realized that this decision had nothing to do with my actual desire for children. I had never considered the actual question.

The first girl I ever loved has several birth defects and a history of violence done to Her that precluded the possibility of children. Trying to carry a child to term would mean Her certain death. The second and third girls I loved (dated them at the same time, while still trying to date my first love) also were unable to carry a child to term, in one case because of a genetic disorder probably caused by her parents drug abuse and in the other because of violence done to her when she was eight. The fourth girl I ever loved, my Alaskan beauty, couldn't even become pregnant much less carry it to term, so great was the damage done to her reproductive system. By the time I met Girl, the first woman I ever loved, it came as no surprise to me that children were a question she couldn't consider.

By this point, I simply associated the birth of a child with the death of a loved one. In that light, I ask you, who would want children? Can you even imagine? To want a child was to demand the death of my beloved. To want a legacy for the future required the destruction of present happiness. And to raise such an ill-omened child is hardly the kind of fantasy most of us consider.

Remember, this is back when I was still a romantic. I pictured myself overburdened with the demands of life, working a job and raising a child on my own while struggling to get over the death of my Eternal Beloved. And of course, in my mind's eye, I would never find another. For what woman could, to this naive, poetic soul, ever compare to the Lost Mother, The Eternal Regret, the Rose Colored Vision?

Of course, I didn't know this was the impetus for this decision. I intellectualized it. Of course I didn't want children. How could I, when the world was already overpopulated? Humanity is a plague upon the world. How could I possibly want to bring something sweet and tender into this cruel world?
What if I had a daughter? Either she'd fall victim to the sexual predators that run rampant through this country, or she'd become a prisoner to my fears for her.
What if I had a son, and he grew into one of those predators?

But these were just rationalizations to help me be the kind of man I needed to be in order to love these women. These amazing women who have graced my life. To want children while loving them would have been cruel to those who had already experienced far too much cruelty.

As I said though, it only recently occurred to me that I've never considered what I want. The idea of legacy is potent, particularly when it's so clear my brother will never Continue The Family Line. But my self-deluding rationalizations have a strong logic to them as well. And there are other considerations.

The economy is in the gutter, and I'm earning half as much money now as I was three years ago when I didn't have a job. Will I ever earn enough money to raise a child properly? I can't even clean my cats' litterbox every day, how am I gonna take care of a child? But of course, these are questions that plague every potential parent. I could always adopt, but that's not the question. The question is do I want to bear children?

So how about ones a little more unique and appropriate to me. Like, so what if I do? Girl still can't have them. This is something I should have decided before I wasted the bulk of my twenties, before I got into a long term relationship.

So, yeah. I've thought about that question.

2) What is your current view on politics? What are you leanings? Republican, democrat, liberal?

What difference does it make? Politicians aren't interested in governing, and if they are, the more powerful politicians will make sure they'll never get anywhere.

3) What kind of boots do you think the song, "These boots are made for walking" refers to?

They're the Schroedinger's Cat of boots. The woman simply has a box of brand new boots she's bought, and she thinks of them as her Walking Boots. She hasn't opened the box since she picked them, and she won't until she finally decides to walk out. After all, she hasn't made any choices yet, she simply warns "One of these days, these boots are gonna walk all over you."

One day, though. She's gonna open that box up and the world will get to see what's inside. And when she does, baby, watch out!

4) What book or book series has made the biggest impact in your life?

Well, there's all my religious texts for a start. The Mahabharata, the Ramayana, the Bhagdava Gita, the Vedas and Upanishads. The works of several respected swamis on those sacred texts. And of course, the Winnie the Pooh series by AA Milne, which I don't think I read until after The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoss.



5) What is the most offensive thing you've ever encountered? Why?

In real life or on the web? On the web, I think the most offensive thing I've seen will continue to be shit-fetishists. The most offensive thing I've ever personally encountered continues to be pedophiles and rapists.

If you need to know why, you haven't been paying attention.


RULES
1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - You'll include this explanation.
5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.