f(AD) called with a photography question, pre-empting the phone call I promised her over a month ago. While talking images, digital technology, never-ending lists of self-improvement tasks, and all the other things that make it seem like I loved her only yesterday, I mentioned Dragon Con in passing.
"Hey, what's up with you coming to Atlanta in March and only telling me after you left?"
Uh, I was having sex with a whole bunch of strangers, I replied flippantly. Didn't seem like a good time to catch up with you.
"Well, so long as I'm not in the same room, that would have been fine."
A pause then, as I sorted out the strange and confusing wave of emotions that accompanies that mental image: horror, shame, arousal, loss, desire. Somewhere inside me, it appears there is a part of me that, like sweet little Roo, longs to go back to something I once had.
And, oh yes, there was fear, too. The fear of trying to maintain a friendship with someone whom I once knew better than myself. I played my new little trick, the one Radiant Idol taught me, of letting my emotions wash over me, to let myself really feel them, and then take a breath and get back to the business of being an adult.
I've never really liked letting myself fear things.
Actually, the one thing GenCon taught me was that I really need a booth partner. Any interest in spending 4 days helping me sell my photos?
So, we'll see. There are details we need to work out, and at the very least, we can have coffee at some point, and a long drive. Time enough to talk. Time enough to be friends in person, for a change.
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