You say it's your birthday?

Well, it's my birthday, too.

I'm having dinner @ 7pm, followed by some decadent revelry. Call/email for details, if you'd like to join me.

Put it to your ear and listen

Hrm, you know, if you look back at this last two weeks of entries, you can almost see the exact sentence when I completely lost all perspective.

Particular thanks and kudos to As Yet Unnamed Friend, who sounded the siren when my train of thought left Rational Space.

I will not apologize for my less than generous introspections, like the one on Saturday. It's my live journal, that is what it is for: to record the thoughts and emotions as they happen, so that people can judge me based on my lowest lows and highest highs, as well as the calm moments between.

I will caution those who read it, though, to be aware that these are pixels, my friends. If I record a thought, that does not make it unyielding. If you believe otherwise, if you think I act upon all that I say here, if you think that somehow the Published Word is the same as the Publicly Posted Word, then you'd best find someone else's life to keep tabs on.

For herein lies the most tactless, most honest, most shameless me that I can be. I'm not proud of my emotional outbursts, both joyous and treacherous, but neither will I deny their existence.

If you think that's somehow wrong of me, I'd be interested in knowing why, and what way of life you think is better.

Catullus rings in my ear, or "I'm a whiny, melodramatic git"

It's a bit more melodramatic than even I'm feeling, but the sentiment is certainly there.

Catullus, Poem 76

If any pleasure can come to a man through recalling
decent behavior in his relations with others,
not breaking his word, and never, in any agreement,
deceiving men by abusing vows sworn to heaven,
then countless joys will await you in old age, Catullus,
as a reward for this unrequited passion!
For all of those things which a man could possibly say or
do have all been said & done by you already,
and none of them counted for anything, thanks to her vileness!

Then why endure your self-torment any longer?
Why not abandon this wretched affair altogether,
spare yourself pain the gods don't intend you to suffer!
It's hard to break off with someone you've loved such a long time:
it's hard, but you have to do it, somehow or other.
Your only chance is to get out from under this sickness,
no matter whether or not you think you're able.

O gods, if pity is yours, or if ever to any
who lay near death you offered the gift of your mercy,
look on my suffering: if my life seems to you decent,
then tear from within me this devouring cancer,
this heavy dullness wasting the joints of my body,
completely driving every joy from my spirit!
Now I no longer ask that she love me as I love her,
or--even less likely--that she give up the others:
all that I ask for is health, an end to this foul sickness!
O gods, grant me this in exchange for my worship.

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