damn this insomnia

Just as I was finally drifting off to sleep, I was startled awake by a strange noise. I know, it's completely crazy, but I swear I heard &rew leap off the bed and make his little "Mrrr" noise.

I'm completely freaked out now and wide awake.I think it may be some kind of residual guilt. Roo was trying to talk me into adopting the stray she had picked up, and for the first time I started seriously considering getting a new pet. Not a cat, though, that stills feels like it would be a betrayal.

I was thinking about something in an aquarium tank, so that I could maybe make a fully-fledged terrarium. Gwen used to have skinks, and I always liked the tiny lizards. Someone else suggested a tarantula. I dunno.

Tonight, I'm shivering with fear at the idea, though. Another pet? I don't think I'm ready.

Dammit, I'm going to immerse myself in some RPG contemplating.

lists, lists, lists....

Some things which are different between now and over the summer, when I was more content:

• I've stopped limiting myself to Small Steps, and started looking  more at long-term goals.


• I've stopped keeping my To Do Lists short and easily achievable.


• I am placing more concern on the results of my actions rather than the quality of my efforts


• (corollary) I'm more concerned with what might happen if I fail.


• I've stopped calling people when I'm lonely.


• I've stopped noticing whether or not I'm going to extremes.


• I don't go outside every day, during the day.


• I've stopped clubbing every weekend.


• I do not have at least one guaranteed meal a week with someone else.

( greater detail, and very long, to boot )