I am so very fond of you.

[amul]

Originally posted in response to someone else's blog:


I have found a new to say when I feel the conflict you describe. When I want to say "I love you," but hesitate, I say this instead:

"I am so terribly fond of you."

When I say it, I make a point of letting my voice fill with all the emotions I am feeling at the time. It carries the desire, the affection, and also the fear and the baggage.

I may not always use the same words. I might sometimes say, "I am so very fond of you," when I see her do something that makes me want to say the other three words but they stick in my throat.

I might say, "You know that I AM terribly fond of you, right?" when I fear rejection or abandonment.

It has come to serve its function, its role in the spaces between "Yeah, I'd hang out with her again," and "I love you." But only because, unlike those other words, I have made a point not to squander it as I did in my cock-sure youth. I mean it to mean exactly what I always want to mean: that I want to say the other thing, but won't, so that you will know the full value when I finally do.

Feel free to try it for yourself.

Comments

urgh

[tygerz.livejournal.com]

I don't understand limits on love or limits on saying love, or why it's odd... tonight I will be on date 3 (arguably 4)? with a good friend (who so far I haven't said more to directly than 'I like you more than I should' somewhere between date 1 & 2 actually) but who I have outright asked, after saying to him in passing that "I love ___" referring to various of my friends and teammates if it would be cool or if he'd mind if I told him I love him 'cause I really am prone to saying that sortof thing and it's all very irritating to have to try to be careful of letting the phrase slip out as such given I honestly love and am totally willing to say I love at least 1/3 of my teammates and most of my friends... "terribly fond of" just sounds so stilted... and fearful.

of course, I run the opposite end of the creeped out by 'love' spectrum and in highschool refused to say 'like' when describing a person on principle it was just being wishy-washy about things and you either love them or you don't ...like was just for pointing out similarities between things- I'm less militant about that now having mellowed some, but still I lean that way about stuff

hey there!

[tygerz.livejournal.com]

I want to talk to you on this topic... now. but it's old, do you see this note? where/when is best to harass you about it? thanks!

Re: hey there!

[amul.livejournal.com]

Okay, seriously, people! Stick the format that I begin in! If I send you a text message, then you reply in text until whoever initiated the conversation moves it to a different medium. If I send you an email, than don't try to talk to me about it in person, without ASKING ME IN EMAIL if it is okay to shift conversational medium.

And if I post a thought in a public forum, like my livejournal, than I am asking you to contribute to the public discussion of it. Talk about your thoughts in comment, or on your own blog where you have control over privacy settings, and then link back to me. Blog posts, I even encourage you to bring up in person at parties.

But do not try to talk to me about things I post publicly in some kind of intimate, one-on-one setting. By the time I get around to posting a thought on my blog, I have thought about it so much that I am sick of thinking about it on my own, and am likely to not place much value on anything you try to add privately. I'm just surly on the subject.

Re: hey there!

[tygerz.livejournal.com]

dude, but I know you don't actually read my journal so how helpful is that - you suck :P

Re: hey there!

[amul.livejournal.com]

Then post a link here, saying, "I had some further thoughts on this and blogged them here."