Poem, 1st draft.

Mostly, this is just random snippets of imagery, provoked by music videos

Egged on by your best intentions
I reached for the moon
And found only an airless desert

Gasping for breath
Pulled apart by an enveloping emptiness
For my hubris

I meant to pluck the stars from the heavens
To adorn your brow
Only to find myself worlds away from you.

I am so very fond of you.

Originally posted in response to someone else's blog:


I have found a new to say when I feel the conflict you describe. When I want to say "I love you," but hesitate, I say this instead:

"I am so terribly fond of you."

When I say it, I make a point of letting my voice fill with all the emotions I am feeling at the time. It carries the desire, the affection, and also the fear and the baggage.

I may not always use the same words. I might sometimes say, "I am so very fond of you," when I see her do something that makes me want to say the other three words but they stick in my throat.

I might say, "You know that I AM terribly fond of you, right?" when I fear rejection or abandonment.

It has come to serve its function, its role in the spaces between "Yeah, I'd hang out with her again," and "I love you." But only because, unlike those other words, I have made a point not to squander it as I did in my cock-sure youth. I mean it to mean exactly what I always want to mean: that I want to say the other thing, but won't, so that you will know the full value when I finally do.

Feel free to try it for yourself.