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Never say Always
I've noticed a certain trend that occurs after my weekends with Lacunae Diving Bunny.
The first thing that doesn't happen is: I never work on any of the things that I need to work on after dropping her off on Sunday. Instead, I tend to sit around and tidy up, let myself sink back into the solitary apartment-dwelling style which I've grown so used to and which was once so foreign to me.
The other thing that never happens is: I always tell myself that I'll do a crash-switch from the night schedule I keep with LDB to a business hours schedule, and I never, ever wake up on time. I set my CD alarm clock to wake me up at 6 or 7am with Saturday Morning Cartoons' Greatest Hits, (I've had it set to Open Up Your Heart And Let The Sun Shine In by Frente! for years now) but instead I end up pounding the snooze key until around noon, and somehow I set the snooze button to shuffle the CD, so instead of playing the same track each time, the song that usually wakes me up is Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah (Means I Love You) by Violent Femmes.
I've been a night owl for as long as I can remember, and at some point since moving from Pittsburgh, I completely acclimatized to a bachelor lifestyle. The result is that, no matter how eager I am to see LDB on a given Friday, by Monday afternoon I'm groggy, cranky, and feeling like I've wasted my time indulging my social needs at the expense of my freelance career. Six years ago, I would have blamed LDB for this, and insisted that it was her responsibility to change that pattern. I have since learned to take responsibility for meeting my own needs, but the temptation to fall back into bad habits is strong.
Also, there's the argument that perhaps my body just prefers a night-based cycle, and that it'd be unhealthy for me to try to force that switch, especially in the graceless way I attempt every Sunday night. If that's the case, though, then there are some unfavorable implications for my photography career which need to be seriously considered.
The bottom line is that the hours between when I drop her off Sunday afternoon and when I finally start working on things Monday evening are not being used optimally. My concern is that I'm too new at taking responsibility for my happiness in this way, so I'm not sure what strategies I could try to take better advantage of those hours. Not even sure if I should consider those hours poorly-spent, that maybe this is my body's way of telling me something that I no longer know how to listen to.
The first thing that doesn't happen is: I never work on any of the things that I need to work on after dropping her off on Sunday. Instead, I tend to sit around and tidy up, let myself sink back into the solitary apartment-dwelling style which I've grown so used to and which was once so foreign to me.
The other thing that never happens is: I always tell myself that I'll do a crash-switch from the night schedule I keep with LDB to a business hours schedule, and I never, ever wake up on time. I set my CD alarm clock to wake me up at 6 or 7am with Saturday Morning Cartoons' Greatest Hits, (I've had it set to Open Up Your Heart And Let The Sun Shine In by Frente! for years now) but instead I end up pounding the snooze key until around noon, and somehow I set the snooze button to shuffle the CD, so instead of playing the same track each time, the song that usually wakes me up is Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah (Means I Love You) by Violent Femmes.
I've been a night owl for as long as I can remember, and at some point since moving from Pittsburgh, I completely acclimatized to a bachelor lifestyle. The result is that, no matter how eager I am to see LDB on a given Friday, by Monday afternoon I'm groggy, cranky, and feeling like I've wasted my time indulging my social needs at the expense of my freelance career. Six years ago, I would have blamed LDB for this, and insisted that it was her responsibility to change that pattern. I have since learned to take responsibility for meeting my own needs, but the temptation to fall back into bad habits is strong.
Also, there's the argument that perhaps my body just prefers a night-based cycle, and that it'd be unhealthy for me to try to force that switch, especially in the graceless way I attempt every Sunday night. If that's the case, though, then there are some unfavorable implications for my photography career which need to be seriously considered.
The bottom line is that the hours between when I drop her off Sunday afternoon and when I finally start working on things Monday evening are not being used optimally. My concern is that I'm too new at taking responsibility for my happiness in this way, so I'm not sure what strategies I could try to take better advantage of those hours. Not even sure if I should consider those hours poorly-spent, that maybe this is my body's way of telling me something that I no longer know how to listen to.
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My thing is, if I'm not up when you are, then what's the point of having you come over?
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